This morning at home was a little stressful for me. I needed to get some things done & hadn’t figured out a plan for the boys, I was a little worried about Eliza’s fever, and one child had started the day annoyed at the other and wasn’t really trying to move on from it. So I announced I was going upstairs to read the Bible, pray, and think through our day. I told them 5 minutes. (I know, I’m super spiritual.)
My Psalm for today was Psalm 73. It starts with a long complaint: the wicked seem to prosper. Why do good things happen to bad people? The psalmist is worked up about this until he comes to worship God. Then he realizes: God knows how to punish the wicked and protect the innocent. He knows what he’s doing. It’s not our job to second-guess. Instead it’s our job to trust:
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all Your works. (v. 28)
His nearness is our good. Deep breath. That helped bring some sanity and focus to my prayers:
God, your nearness is Eliza’s good today. Bring down the fever. Make the horrible/amazing chemo drugs work. Make her brave and joyful.
God, your nearness is Melissa’s good. Hold up her arms. Help her trust. Make her a confident and hopeful advocate for E.
God, your nearness is Sam’s good. Help him to be positive, to look out for his brother and keep his self-control.
God, your nearness is Foard’s good. Help him to be strong and courageous, to use words when he’s frustrated.
God, your nearness is my good. You know I want to handle tasks. Give me grace to slow down and be present with my kids. Let me be OK with not being a super-problem-solving pastor right now. (“Wait, when were you that?” — Faith Community Church)
God’s nearness has always been our greatest good. Cancer is helping us to be aware of what’s always been true: We have nothing if we don’t have Jesus. The control, the comfort, the confidence we think we have is fragile. Only he can never be taken away from us. His nearness is our good.
It was a good day. Eliza’s fever stayed down. She was more sleepy than usual but pretty normal when she was awake. Her liver numbers are going down as the doctors expected— a sign that the chemo is working. She was supposed to have an ultrasound today to check on the size of the tumor, but they were full and now that’s tomorrow. We hope that once that’s done and blood work numbers are in, they’ll send her home tomorrow as well.
Our ladies had hospital visits from 2 sweet church friends. Others came over to play with the boys, who had a great time, and believe it or not, my errands happened after all.
Please pray for a surprising ultrasound tomorrow: that the tumor is shrinking even faster than they expected, or is gone altogether. And pray that Eliza can come home tomorrow. Thank you as always!